Awake

Well… hello world!  It seems like forever since I have written anything on here, and some of you may have wondered if I was dead or alive at this point.  My last post was over 8 months ago, and I do believe  it’s time to catch up.

I went on a magickal hiatus and had the experience of a lifetime.  And after several months of pondering what exactly happened to me, I decided that it’s time to share it with all of you.  As you all know, I am quite sensitive and empathic.  A bit gifted most would say.  And that is exactly what kind of story this is.

On October 31st, 2015 something utterly horrible happened to me.  It was really a diss that it happened on that day, as it is one of my High Holidays.  I instantly fell into the abyss of my depression.  I did not emerge from my bedroom for almost a month.  I was absorbed by the darkness that came over me.  I hardly even recognized myself in the mirror.  I was losing weight, struggling just to eat, anger and aggression were constant for a while there.  I literally thought that I was going insane.

29 days later, on November 29, 2015 my darkest day lead to my brightest night.  I went on some kind of spiritual adventure for lack of a better term.  It all started with conversations that said much more than the words that were used.  A little gut feeling would make me believe that there was more than met the eye.  The strangest people were the messengers that night.  In an instant I saw everything.  I understood spiritual matters on a much deeper level than I had ever imagined possible.  In an instant, a singular moment, everything that I ever knew and believed changed.  And when I say it changed, I mean EVERYTHING flipped backwards on me.  Even my own religious beliefs changed-drastically.  In a moment, I knew WHO I am.  I faced all of the darkness in my soul, in my life and most importantly from my past.  I accepted myself for all of my flaws and faults, and vowed to move on with the rest of my life. 

The most amazing part was when all of my anxiety and panic attacks disappeared.  At first I really thought that it was just a coincidence and that all of my miserable symptoms would return.  I’ve never been so glad in my life to be wrong.  It has been over six months since what I call “My Awakening” happened.  Every symptom that I feared returning is still gone.  I no longer hide in my house, afraid of the world and what I will feel from every single person that comes near me.  My gift of empathy no longer feel like a curse.  Now my life is truly a blessing.  I fear nothing and I love my life for the first time in 32 years.

The one single thought that has recurred for me since the day I awoke was that this gift was probably not given to me by random chance.  I was healed in an instant for a reason.  It is now time for me to fulfill my potential and help the rest of the world through the darkness that I was able to battle and defeat.  If I can do it, anybody can do it.  And, if I can help anybody in darkness, I will do it.  Brightest Blessings to all who wonder across this post.

                                                                                  -Lady Ariel