Fibromyalgia is Stealing My Life

I sit back quietly and observe all of the changes that my body has gone through so far this year.  It saddens me to realize that I am nothing like I was a year ago.  It seems like I’ve aged a decade in only 8 months.  You see, I have fibromyalgia and it is slowly robbing me of my life…

I think back to January of this year quite fondly.  My sons got a huge trampoline for Christmas.  It was the biggest present they had ever received in their little lives.  Back then I was healthier, so I would spend day after day jumping on that trampoline with my babies.  We would all giggle like little kids, and for a moment being an empath was not bad at all.  Maybe it was even a huge bonus because I was absorbing the happiest of energies in my little world.  That ecstasy was robbed from me in less than two months.  I’ve barely been able to walk since March.  Every time I go out on my porch and see it, I want to cry.

I yearn for the days when I could move like a normal 31-year woman.  I miss playing with my kids, and they certainly miss playing with me.  I want to be able to walk my dog, and take my kids to the park.  I want to be able to go on my 5-mile walks, and jog in the morning air before the hustle and bustle of the neighborhood gets going.

These days I can’t even cook a meal or wash a dish because of the ever present chronic pain that fibromyalgia has dragged into my life.  I’m unable to participate in most of my former hobbies.  My life is literally being stolen from me and there is nothing that I can do about it.

In case you don’t know anything about fibromyalgia, I will share my personal symptoms with you.  This is in no way a complete list, but you’ll get the general idea from it.  I have constant, chronic pain in every muscle of my body all of the time.  There are good days, and there are bad days.  Sound, light and air hurt me.  A gentle touch can feel like someone punched me due to the oversensitivity of the nerves.  Fibromyalgia is often referred to as “The Psychic’s Disease”, and most of the empaths that I know have it.  Pain and weakness in the extremities has become the biggest nuisance for me, and I find myself falling more often than I care to admit.

The worst part of this whole situation for me is the internal battle that is raging on in my heart and mind.  Once again I will say this:  I am only 31 years old.  I should still be the extremely independent person that I was only a year ago.  I find myself doing things that I know are not a good idea so that I can prove to myself that I am not really this bad off.  All this does is prove to me that I am falling apart quicker that I ever imagined, which is leading to a depression.  Everybody is always telling me to go lay down, or to get some rest, but I just don’t want to give up yet.  I’m getting too tired to fight anymore.

I’m well aware that this is the downside of being an empath, as the two are very closely related.  I find myself constantly contemplating whether this gift outweighs the pain.  Honestly, I’m never too sure either way.  The only thing that I know for sure it that there is nothing I can do about it.  I am an empath and that is a fact that will not likely change anytime soon.  Things could always be worse, and if I don’t keep a positive attitude the pain will become excessively worse for me.  Moral of the story:  Always find the inner light, even when you’re in your darkest storms.  Blessings of health and comfort to each and every one of you.

-Lady Ariel